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2-Headed Shark Attack (a movie review)

Well, alright, this last Tuesday the time was ripe again to just lay down on my couch. Nothing special, this time comes around regularly – every day. But that last Tuesday was special – I’ve decided to make some efforts to actually watch movies I’ve amassed on DVD/BluRay format. Because, you know – I buy movies, but I hardly have enough time to watch them.

So, to hell with procrastination, I am starting with the top shelf, from left. First title? Triple feature of shark goodiness! Indeed, it’s 2-Headed Shark Attack, 3-Headed Shark Attack and, God help me, 5-Headed Shark Attack in 3-DVD release!

Well, man’s got to keep his word, so I’ve popped the disc into my BR player… it’s 2-Headed Shark Attack time, folks!

Seasoned movie fans know what to expect when met with the logo of The Asylum production company. And The Asylum is indeed behind this 2012 production. So, are you ready to get the party started?

Tell you straight away, I was quite disappointed by the story. Not that one expects “Inception” or “Matrix”, but c’mon, this angle has been done to death. Probably even literally. It goes like this:

Still some body here. Carmen Electra’s catching sun.

We follow a sea trip of some students with their superiors – professor Babish (Charlie O’Connell) and his wife, Anne (Carmen Electra). Suddenly their ship is made immobile by the attack of the titular shark (although our crew doesn’t know it yet) and so our folks decide to stay on a nearby atol and wait till the hole in the ship is repaired (by one of the crewmen, who is actually a crew woman). You know how that goes, don’t you.

So, your ship is not usable, but what’s worse, even the atol they stay on is slowly sinking! And the 2-headed shark is circling around!

As I’ve said, you’d probably seen this scenario (or its variation) a couple of times already. But it doesn’t really matter, you don’t watch this kind of movies for a story, right?

That’s actually a fair question. Seeing the current rating on IMDB is solid 2.5 (out of 10), why would someone actually want to see this movie?

I’m glad you’ve asked. The answer you are looking for is – fun. Because, yeah, that’s the best kind of movies to watch with your buddies and have helluva fun. And I don’t mean it in any derogatory way, just to be clear.

Carmen Electra and Charlie O’Connell in their final moments

Personally, I absolutely love when The Asylum brings some known celebrities on board (no pun intended). Here, in 2-Headed Shark Attack, the honors are given to Carmen Electra, who I think is pretty horrible here, but I am pretty sure she’s not in the movie to act, therefore she’s forgiven. Charlie O’Connell in the role of Professor Babish is not faring much better, but I have to say, the scene where he and Carmen are kissing ina front of tsunami wave is likeable in a way it’s hard to describe. I know some cynic would now say – yeah, you’ve said that because that means they are in the movie no more! Well, no – even with the typical Asylum-esque cut between the scenes (you see tsunami coming, then you see a calm sea…you know the drill), this scene, no matter how wooden, is actually cute in their efforts to create an air of seriousness. I’ll give it to them. And I mean it.

Brooke Hogan (as Kate, right) and some of the students’ crew

The weight of the movie is carried on the shoulders of Brooke Hogan, the daughter of the legendary Hulk Hogan. And she has a body to prove it, brother! She’s not the best actress though – and the script certainly doesn’t help in this regard – but when you work with the limited resources, even this is OK.

That’s a scene with Amber English. Just so you know.

The other one to remember is Amber English for a topless scene. Probably the only scene one would remember from this movie, but that’s OK too.

Other than that, the rest of the cast is pretty forgettable. But even that can give you a start in your movie career (I am pretty sure many actors will agree).

Christopher Ray, the director

The director of this fun low-budget flick (well, it’s had a budget of one million, so “low budget” is probably not the best word to describe it) is none other than the son of a legendary Fred Olen Ray, Christopher Ray and I think he’s done the job requested well. Let’s be frank, there are no artistic ambitions here (and I am probably thankful for that), this level of movie production is pretty much clearly defined and when one delivers and the production company makes money, the movie is good. End of. And Christopher Ray does have quite a few of similar movies under his director’s belt (just to mention his second ever feature Reptisaurus, Megaconda and so forth) or the movie we’ve already talked about in the Rubber Axe webzine, Asteroid vs. Earth.

So, if you are a fan of “so bad, it’s good” movies, especially shark movies, I am pretty sure you’re not skipping that one. Myself, I’ve enjoyed it and that counts. A little.

And I have a few others lined up for a watching…now that’s some dedication, hm?

Rudolf Schütz

A father to two little perpetuum mobiles called kids, Rudolf is a main force behind The Rubber Axe webzine, a bookworm, musick lover and a movie fan - not to mention his virgin forays into the comics and board/card games.

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